Hi. I just wanted to share how I encountered Jesus.
Growing up, we didn't really go to church all that much. Still our parents taught us to love God, you know all of that.
I was into God when I was smaller, at least I read Genesis multiple times.🤧
I'd say the biggest wall that was built between God and I was secondary school.
I was (and am) very introverted. I struggled to make friends. I had nobody, and I was quiet, and the idea is that if you're quiet, you'll be taken advantage of a lot, which turned out to be massively true for me lmao.
People called me their friends, and they'd use me, and I knew they were using me, in a sense, but I didn't want to leave them because they were my only friends.
I was constantly angry at life. Puberty didn't hit me well, let's say that, haha, and I was tiny, which caused insults from everyone, including my family.
I hated life, basically.
A turning point, however was when I got into SSS3. I met my current best friends.
A big difference that stuck out to me, though was that they didn't take advantage of me. Which meant they actually liked me as friends. I could say I was happy at school. But not at home. My friends weren't at home. I couldn't tell my family what a typical teenager wants to talk about.
I left SSS3.
I moved from Lagos to Calabar.
I was on the other side from the only people that understood me.
Life was quiet. That quietness became lonely.
Fear hit. I started to become afraid of my future. That I'll be alone forever.
I became depressed.
At that point, I found out I was attracted to women, and I came out (in my head) as bi.
Porn came in my life.
Everything coupled up.
My friends, when they called or texted, noticed I wasn't the same.
That I was sadder than usual.
I told them that they wouldn't understand, and that if they woke up and couldn't reach me, they should understand that I must have killed myself.
I hated life.
My parents noticed, but I didn't want to say anything, because who knows how African parents will take it.
I looked at myself in the mirror everyday (tears out of my eyes while typing this) and I'd feel dirty.
I knew if my parents knew about the porn, and about the depression, they'd hate me. Probably even throw me out.
I cried myself to sleep everynight after a helping of porn.
Scrolling through Tiktok videos one day brought me a Christian video.
I didn't want to watch. I didn't care about God. I just stayed and watched, because at least if Jesus came right there and then, he'd let me into heaven because I watched the stupid video.
The Tiktok algorithm (or God, whichever way you want to say it) realized that I 'liked' Christian videos and recommended me more.
I didn't want to watch.
But I stuck by.

Does anyone remember the corn kid (It's corn! A big lump with knobs, it has the juice)
This guy was lipsyncing to the song, but the words on the screen would say, 'It's the Bible, I can't imagine a more beautiful thing'

Anyway, I guess I decided to dust off my yellow Bible that had been laying in a corner for years and open it.

I got bored😐😶

So I downloaded a Bible app, so I'd remember to read it everyday.

The Bible app automatically shows John when first downloaded, so I decided to read it.

I have partial ADHD, so anytime I read, my brain goes restless. So I'd read it out to myself. Two chapters every day.
I got addicted to my Bible yay.
One day, I went to rest in my room, then I sat on my bed, and I said 'wait. I'm happy.'

It felt so good.

I knew I wasn't depressed.

I started following Jesus.

God is perfect. The whole idea is that you can't be around sin if you're holy and perfect. My parents are not holy and perfect, yet they saw all I did behind closed doors they would hate me. God went down in the form of Jesus to make us clean on his sight. Jesus suffered so we wouldn't have to.

We've lied, and stolen, and done all wrong. All that would be punished by a righteous judge. Imagine you had a fine to pay. And then instead of sending you to jail, the judge says, don't worry, I've paid your fines for you. That's how much God loves us.

If you read this, thank you, God bless you, and I love you. If you didn't, God bless you, and I love you also. Feel free to ask any questions.