What I believe started as a ' I'll tell/report you to Dad' as turned my status at home to something else. My children now fear and tremble whenever I'm with them or whenever they see me, they hardly talk to me about anything, I'm now seen as a god, and I hate to see things between us this way, it saddens my heart.

Of lately I've been having a hard time spending quality time with them, could this be a major factor?
The other day I was sick I left work early, so when my kids got back from school, they acted normal , you know kids now, as soon as I came out to have a little chit chat about school and all that, they started to act funny, always responding as if I was their class teacher, unlike when they are with their mom.

I know I scold and discipline at times, but it shouldn't stop them from seeing me as a father rather than a demigod.

They feel safe with my wife, they tell are everything
I mean a-z of everything happening to them unlike me.
I just need your candid opinion or suggestions on what to do to fix this problem.

You didn't make mention of their ages. However, you could win them over by spending more time with them, talking more with them rather than scolding them and occasionally taking them out to have fun.

It seems you are the type that get irritated at any little thing and you acted at any little provocation. Your closeness and relationship with their mom also go a long way. Do you hold their mom and talk sweet things to her before the children?

THATS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE ALWAYS SHOUTING AND SCOLDING CHILDREN ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC SO MUCH THAT THEIR SELF ESTEEM AND WORTH VANISHES.A LOT OF AFRICAN PARENTS ARE GUILTY OF THIS INCLUDING VERBAL ASSAULT.ALWAYS BRINGING THE CHILD DOWN.CHILDREN DONT REPEL OR FEEL UNEASY AROUND THEIR FATHER FOR NOTHING.IT MEANS YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING YOU SHOULDNT DO AND YOU ARE ALWAYS SCOLDING THEM THAN LAUGHING WITH THEM AND TALKING WITH THEM.BOND WITH THEM BY TALKING TO THEM.STOP BASHING YOUR KIDS IN THE PRESENCE OF OUTSIDERS AS IF THEY DONT HAVE FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS,STOP BRINGING DOWN YOUR KIDS CONSTANTLY.IF YOU ARE GUILTY OF ANY OF THE NDERLISTED START DOING THE OPPOSITE AND COME AND TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED.

KIDS ARE THE EASIEST PEOPLE TO GET ALONG WITH THAN EVEN ADULTS.KIDS TEND TO FALL IN LOVE WITH PEOPLE THAT LISTEN TO THEM,EMPATHIZE WITH THEM,HUG THEM CONSTANTLY,REMIND THEM THAT THEY ARE INTELLIGENT AND BEAUTIFUL,EVEN IF THEY FAIL,MAKE THEM FEEL THEY CAN TRUST YOU BUT WHEN YOU SEE THEIR ASSIGNMENT AND THEY FAIL AND THE NEXT THING IS TO START DISHING OUT JUDGEMENT AND BASHING ESPECIALLY WITH YOUR USUAL CHORUS "I KNOW YOU TOOK AFTER YOUR MOTHER,THATS WHY YOU ARE DAFT".I HEAR SOME FATHERS SAY THAT TO THEIR KIDS,WHENEVER A FATHER COSTANTLY SHOUTS AT THE CHILD IN PRESENCE OF VISITORS WHEN THEY MAKE SLIGHT MISTAKES,E.G, YOU ARE AS USELESS AS YOUR MOTHER,NO WONDER YOU TOOK LAST IN SCHOOL.ILL GIVE AN EXAMPLE

Tell your wife to do her share of the discipline and stop passing it off to you leaving you looking like the harsh parent and her the soft one.

Start bonding with them, take them out without madam, show them you are human. If they are young go to a park, Dont be afraid to get dirty, play roll around and just be fun.
Let them see the human side of daddy. You should not niss these great bonding moments you will never get it back. You should be building memories that will last them a lifetime so when you are gone they remember daddy and giggle at some happy moment not cringe in fear

Some years back My mom was always fond of bashing my kid brother. She will say everything unthinkable to him because he came home with a cgpa of 2.31.she will say nothing os in your brain except partying and football. If he carry cup, mummy will nash him, if he drop am, rain of abuse sotey he started becoming so scared of my mom and would rather confide in me because of the big wall she haf created and making him feel so little. Now he just finished his nysc with a 2.2.the point is even when they fail remind them you still believe in them.now he will rather talk with me than nobody. No be say you will turn yourself to lion sotey your kids are afraid of confiding in you because the next thing they know you will do is to make them feel terrible

aisha2:
Tell your wife to do her share of the discipline and stop passing it off to you leaving you looking like the harsh parent and her the soft one.

Start bonding with them, take them out without madam, show them you are human. If they are young go to a park, Dont be afraid to get dirty, play roll around and just be fun.
Let them see the human side of daddy. You should not niss these great bonding moments you will never get it back. You should be building memories that will last them a lifetime so when you are gone they remember daddy and giggle at some happy moment not cringe in fear

U are amazing



×dont take it d wrong way×

You should play and talk more with them. They don't hate you, they don't just feel safe with you. My boy doesn't have any fear around me until I say "come here", that's the sound of judgement.

SAMBARRY:
THATS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE ALWAYS SHOUTING AND SCOLDING CHILDREN ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC SO MUCH THAT THEIR SELF ESTEEM AND WORTH VANISHES.A LOT OF AFRICAN PARENTS ARE GUILTY OF THIS INCLUDING VERBAL ASSAULT.ALWAYS BRINGING THE CHILD DOWN.CHILDREN DONT REPEL OR FEEL UNEASY AROUND THEIR FATHER FOR NOTHING.IT MEANS YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING YOU SHOULDNT DO AND YOU ARE ALWAYS SCOLDING THEM THAN LAUGHING WITH THEM AND TALKING WITH THEM.BOND WITH THEM BY TALKING TO THEM.STOP BASHING YOUR KIDS IN THE PRESENCE OF OUTSIDERS AS IF THEY DONT HAVE FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS,STOP BRINGING DOWN YOUR KIDS CONSTANTLY.IF YOU ARE GUILTY OF ANY OF THE NDERLISTED START DOING THE OPPOSITE AND COME AND TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED.

KIDS ARE THE EASIEST PEOPLE TO GET ALONG WITH THAN EVEN ADULTS.KIDS TEND TO FALL IN LOVE WITH PEOPLE THAT LISTEN TO THEM,EMPATHIZE WITH THEM,HUG THEM CONSTANTLY,REMIND THEM THAT THEY ARE INTELLIGENT AND BEAUTIFUL,EVEN IF THEY FAIL,MAKE THEM FEEL THEY CAN TRUST YOU BUT WHEN YOU SEE THEIR ASSIGNMENT AND THEY FAIL AND THE NEXT THING IS TO START DISHING OUT JUDGEMENT AND BASHING ESPECIALLY WITH YOUR USUAL CHORUS "I KNOW YOU TOOK AFTER YOUR MOTHER,THATS WHY YOU ARE DAFT".I HEAR SOME FATHERS SAY THAT TO THEIR KIDS,WHENEVER A FATHER COSTANTLY SHOUTS AT THE CHILD IN PRESENCE OF VISITORS WHEN THEY MAKE SLIGHT MISTAKES,E.G, YOU ARE AS USELESS AS YOUR MOTHER,NO WONDER YOU TOOK LAST IN SCHOOL.ILL GIVE AN EXAMPLE

Bring your laptop let me help you fix yoir caps lock.

op you should try and limit the amount of abusive words you use and dont always shout or beat them for everything they do

There is nothing wrong with distance when it is based on respect, familiarity breeds contempt, at times even with parents. As the kids get older it is important that they have someone they are "scared of".
However don`t let the distance be too much. a healthy balance.
Basically you can never get it all right with kid`s. You just try your best.

Are you my bestie's dad? I remember as kids, my bestie and her siblings always marveled at how we played with our dad, they fear their dad eh that even now many years after with an Msc, she still can't sit in a room comfortably for 5 minutes with him, and I'm sure he regrets how he always yelled at and flogged them.

Anyways, it's a good thing that you realize this in time and are willing to work on it, just do as aisha2 has said and I believe you'll see changes, goodluck.

To every action, there's a reaction. You wanted to be a demigod, you got it. Now you don't want to be that anymore well aisha2 has told you what you need to do. Goodluck

Hehehe! This reminds me of one of my uncles. The guy wanted to be so respected and revered, he got more than he bargained for. Uncle Ade put the fear of God in us all so much so that a glimpse of his shadow was enough to get a gathering of both his families and neighbours running for shelter. Whew! He loved it! He was a man! Yinmu... Fast forward several years later when we have become grown ups and he's had kids, story changed. Those kids watched our quivers and learned to fear God through him when he wouldn't let even his wife forget who the "man" was. Long story short, I saw tears in his eyes one day that he came to visit us while his kids were holidaying with us. He felt funky and called a mini party on an "ewe aganyin" passing by, nobody picked spoon with him o.His children took to their heels immediately he walked in. We felt bad for me...

If they are still young , mend fences o.

Op is better you correct it now, a time will come when they will not only feel safe with their mum but with your friends also.

thanks to you all. And I don't beat my kids, I only threaten them.

I will definitely put these into practice, now that I've seen my flaws as a parent. Thanks guys* @dollyptosh, moreeni, bennyrazz,mutter, freecocoa, pamcode,sambarry, freshdude2,muhdg, aisha2, lordabas, lanister, pacesetter939.

pacesetter939:
You didn't make mention of their ages. However, you could win them over by spending more time with them, talking more with them rather than scolding them and occasionally taking them out to have fun.

our first daughter is 12, 2nd 9, 3rd 7 and the last boy is 4.

Obviously, you have been "tyrannical".
Your children should not have to "fear" you, if you Re a loving father!
You REAP what you SOW abi?

The truth of the matter is, kids are very very malleable and they give off what we give to them.

You said it yourself, you threaten them. Threaten to beat, flog, slap, knock. They pick up on this and in their minds you don't love them.

Take the time to talk to them,look at their homework when they come back from school. Give them their bath in the morning, make breakfast weekends, take them to watch movies and pizza or whatever they enjoy doing. You will see them start to open up to you. That is how mothers get close to their children.

You are hardly home and when you are you are threatening. What do u expect them to do?

freshdude2:
You should play and talk more with them. They don't hate you, they don't just feel safe with you. My boy doesn't have any fear around me until I say "come here", that's the sound of judgement. ;DBring your laptop let me help you fix yoir caps lock.

thank you o jare. Don't let me bother you. The caps is deliberate especially when i am emphasizing something



oya smile for me and stop being a naughty boy

SAMBARRY:
thank you o jare. Don't let me bother you. The caps is deliberate especially when i am emphasizing something



oya smile for me and stop being a naughty boy

Nah, I prefer being naughty.

Why is your wife putting all the discipline on you?
So if they misbehave when you are not there what does she do?
You should both take it in turns to discipline and the kids should know that they will meet the same thing from both daddy and mummys mouth

its not too late; you can still bridge the gap
make out quality time for them, talk to them and do fun things together and gradually they will warm to you and feel free with you.

Please dont make the mstake of going the opposite way of not discipling them at all if required or they will still not thank you when they are older.

Be firm, consistant and be careful of what you say to them. Discipline with Love and give them a reason when you are doing it. Dont react to them in anger.

i think they are all old enough to be corrected by simple talking. create time to bond with them and encourage your wife to also discipline them without passing it on to you at all times.

you need to create happy memories with them now because children never forget things.

growing up, my dad never beat us but he was mostly stone faced around us, never really played with us even though he comes from work by 5pm daily. fast foward to now, we are all married with kids and i call my mum daily and ask after dad bt never call him directly because wr have nothing much to say.

i still feel uneasy around him. hes trying to be nicer and more available but i have a formed impression of him that i have not been able to change over the years.

in conclusion, be more emotionally available to d kids

The earlier u reverse the better, a father can be a disciplinary & at the same time be one his children wants to be close to. Do activities with them as this is the only moment u have as in d next few years they would begin to leave home for schoool.

freshdude2:
Nah, I prefer being naughty.