She's a foreigner. We married 1989. We have a son. I live in Naija. She lives in her country. She visited me once. Each time I say come home she says she'll come and visit and I hate to hear that. For the sake of our son in 1996 I tried making a living in her country to show how much I care for them. I came back home briefly on my return to them I was deported. Ever since she had never made attempt to move to Niaja or do anything about my re-entry. Advice me honestly what to do. I'm what u can call a married single for 17 years! Don't ask me how I'm surviving! I'm fine & not doing badly in life, I av what it takes to live.

its seems your wife isnt willing to compromise maybe u should sit her down and tell her how u feel that might help goodluck!

Divorce her and move on.
Or better still ask her to apply for the Divorce.  There is nothing you can do again.

but what about the son dont u think it would be hard on the son in the long run if they get divorced?

The son is lost.A blackboy in Europe? or were ever that dose not know his roots.
But lets stay real the woman dose not want anymore and there is nothing he can do about it.
The Government is heartless to such things.
Dose he have a part custody of the child, was he paying maintenance? .
In this case he can try but he needs to get a lawyer

@shwana
the man said she doesnt wann@ come home mening he cant see her. they only talk on phone and u are telling him to sit her down and talk to her. hmmm, funny though. i bet he has being taling to her on phone for 17 years. the best thing for him to do is to divorce her and move on. he has even tried staying for 17 years. me ke, for don divorce after 7 years.

well she visited once and he could always go to europe and have a face to face talk with her giving her an ultimatum

did u see the part where he said he was deported? i hope you know what dat means.

oops my bad i didnt read that part seems like theres no hope for u thinker ur marriage is pretty much over

::

u ve heard it all, sorry about ur dilema, but pls move on, doesnt look like she ll ever come down, u understand that she has to live her whole family and friends and start affresh with u in nigeria. so pls move on and try to keep a good relationship with ur son and encourage him to visit u more often.

@ topic i give kudos to you man 17 yrs thats a loooooooooong time. you have tried , like other peeps have said your best bet is divorce, it might be a little hard on your son, and i hope you can still keep in contact with him.

find yourself another woman in nigeria and settle down with her!

The boy must almost be a man by now . Lets see what they say in the Topic 15 years after your dad left you.

u sure she ain't seeing someone else?

or maybe got other plans?

maybe she re-married?

how often do u guys speak and when last did u see em?

My brother youare really lost.
Even Nigerians living abroad with their whit wives have families in Nigeria.
You better Wake up.
I do not know where the problem is? In Nigeria Polygamy is still allowed.
Sorry but I think the problem is you

Maybe you should try appealing to her through your son.

didnt you guys talk and agree to compromise before you got married? thats a down side to marrying a foreigner! naija is unbearable for them.

To: Thinker:

You are a disgrace to the black community. You need to grow up and stop asking for help as if you are a little kid. I informed you about inter-racial relationship and you wouldn’t listen. You see what happens when you don’t take simple advice.

@ Outlaws

Y is it a "disgrace to the black community"? Dont get it. The same "pull" that we have to settle in Naija someday even though here is better is the same pull any foreigner will feel. Everybody want to be in a familiar territory.

@ Thinker,

Im sure that your wife probably loves you but think about it. You wanna go home and settle. On the other hand you want her to leave her roots and go with you. Kinda unfair. She will go to an unfamiliar world, culture, people etc.
Ask yourself, when you were growing up in Naija, how many people you see with foreign wives that lives with them permanently? Tai Solarin and ,

Interracial marriage will work if the lady is happy. If she wont be happy in naija, theres no point dragging her down there. its a recipe for disaster. East or West. Home is the best. It applies to everyone.
Yuo came to her country to marry her, not the other way round and you still wanna go home to settle despite all comfort overseas gives. But you want her to do the opposite cos shes ur wife? Love is blind not stupid.

Marry someone else in naija and float on.

Outlaws - really - you gave him advice 17 years ago when he got married?

anyway, I don't see how you can stay married if you can never live in the same country. You can't live in her country. She won't live in yours. What hope is there?

Or, would it be possible for you both to start a new life together in a different country altogether? Both apply for immigration as a couple? she might just not want to move to Africa/Nigeria, let's face it, it's a very different kind of life there. How about the US or Australia or somewhere like that? Or somewhere in Europe?

your "wife" divorced you years ago in her heart.

davidylan:

your "wife" divorced you years ago in her heart.

well we dont know about that davidylan.
but what we do know is that nigeria is a very difficult place for a foreigner to live in. did she ever visit? did she find it unbearable?
this matter has caused divorce btw so many couples when a foreign spouse would not agree to live in nigeria. can you blame them? initially some think they can do it and stay for some years after which they pack up and leave in a huff.( like chris okoties wife)
my uncle has lived all his life seperated from his american wife. they have been married over 35 years and she never once lived in nigeria. ever. she came to visit and was horrified! i cudnt feel sorry for him. he chose that.didnt they talk b4 marriage? did he really think she was going to find our bad roads and rotten cities attractive?

well
at the end of the day, they are still married and he does all the visiting! you might want to consider that.

spoilt:

well we don't know about that davidylan.

No point speculating, he probably saw his wife and son more than 9 yrs ago. Do you think that "wife" still considers herself married to him? If she were she would have at least visited all these while.

spoilt:

well
at the end of the day, they are still married and he does all the visiting! you might want to consider that.

No stress, all that will be ironed out well before i give her a ring.

promise72:

Ask yourself, when you were growing up in Naija, how many people you see with foreign wives that lives with them permanently? Tai Solarin and ,

Plenty!! It all depends on what part of Naija you lived in, while growing up. Tai Solarin & his wife Sheila were not the only inter-racial couple in Nigeria, that stayed together right here in Naija. Remember former information minister Walter Ofonagoro? Well, his wife is Indian. They have been married for over 30 years & live happily in Lagos. There is also Prof. Babs Fafunwa & his American wife Doris who have lived in various parts of Nigeria, including Lagos & Nsukka! Some of those foreign women ended up losing their husbands, and yet still stayed on in Nigeria with their families and friends. Check out this website to read more about them: www.nigerwives.org

I feel Thinker did not take enough time to study the woman he wanted to marry before he got hitched to her all those years ago. Neither did they discuss the probability of their return to Nigeria, before they got married. Sad, but I pray a divine solution comes your way man, as soon as possible. But wait o, for the several years you have been seperated from her, didn't you look at other babes here?

spoilt:

initially some think they can do it and stay for some years after which they pack up and leave in a huff.( like chris okoties wife)

Erm, sorry, Chris Okotie's wife is NOT a foreigner. She is half-Nigerian, with a German mum. She spent most of her life in Nigeria, but left a few years back when her mum got killed by armed robbers in Nigeria. The woman speaks correct pidgin.

Give her a call and talk with her. Let her udnerstand your views, give her good reaons why she should come home to you.

Sorry about all that.  Just move on.  She is not interested and you cannot force her.  If I were a white woman, I would not follow you to Nigeria either

To do what? Pound fufu?


Please we know how you are surviving just keep surviving!

It is not by force so maintain whatever relationship you have with your son and leave the lady alone.  17 years is not 17 days!

at least he has some interest in the child.